Whatever, Comp
by You Can Call Me Effie
Summary: In which Rora Takamura is accused of being the Second Kira and decides to antagonize the Computerized Voice that calls itself L. One-shot. No romance.


Rora opened her eyes to find herself surrounded by men in suits. And masks. Huh. "Well, this is new."

"Rora Takamura, you are under arrest for being suspected as the second Kira."

"Wha-"

And everything went black.

* * *

When Rora woke up, she thought she'd gone blind. "What the-"

"Ah, Miss Rora-san, I'm glad to see you awake," a computerized voice said. Weird. Had she been kidnapped by a robot? That'd be cool. Something new, at least. Except the men who drugged her spoke in normal, untampered male voices. Phooie.

Rora blinked, realizing she was wearing a blindfold. She rolled her eyes. "Hey, computer voice robot thingy-"

"I am L."

She huffed. Was that supposed to mean something to her? Was she kidnapped by some weird celebrity she'd never heard of? It wouldn't be the first time. "I don't care, computerized voice. Don't interrupt me."

Silence.

"Thanks. Question! What is up with all this kinky shit?"

The voice didn't respond.

Rora tried again. "Have I been kidnapped again, because it wasn't funny the first three times and it sure as hell ain't funny now."

Silence. This was starting to get annoying.

She sighed. "You know what I hate even more than being interrupted?"

"Criminals?" Computerized Voice finally responded.

She rolled her eyes. At least it stopped ignoring her. "I don't give two shits what those psychos do in their spare time as long as it doesn't involve me."

Silence. Again.

Spoke too soon.

Rora glared through her blindfold and tried to move her hands from where they were bound to the board/pole/pike thing she was tied to. Ugh. "What I was going to say is that I hate being ignored."

More silence.

She glowered. "I also hate being held against my will in an unfamiliar place after being drugged, blindfolded, and tied to a giant pole, but I guess today just isn't my day, is it?"

Vaguely amused silence.

Rora suddenly remembered something. "Hey, Comp?"

"I am L."

She rolled her eyes again. She didn't know or care who this 'L' character was. Was this some weird prank show? Nah, all her friends and family were either dead or poor as balls. And no one else she was acquainted with could pull something like this off. She shook her head. "Sure, Comp, whatever. What the fuck is a Kira?"

Silence. Rora hadn't spoken to anyone in a while, though, so she wasn't going to give up trying to get a reaction from 'L'. Robot or not, this was almost entertaining.

"Is it your girlfriend or something, because I can tell you right now I ain't it and I don't wanna be it."

Very very loud silence.

Rora sighed dejectedly. "Whatever, fine. Be like that. I'm going to sleep."

A pause. Rora smirked internally.

"That doesn't look comfortable, Rora-san."

She smiled. shrugging as much as the bindings would let her and closed her eyes. It made no difference. "I've had worse."

Another pause.

"Interesting."

Rora snorted. That's all 'L' would be learning about her until 'L' stopped being such an asshole and until she felt like sharing more. "Hey, Comp?"

"Yes?" It seemed to have given up on trying to get her to call it L.

Rora smirked. "Shut the fuck up and let me sleep."

* * *

When she woke up, she could see. The room she was held in was very... White. Too bright. She blinked rapidly. "So this is what this room looks like." She made a face. "I don't like it."

"Miss Takamura, do you confess to being the second Kira?"

Rora blinked up at the man who had addressed her and sighed. She assumed this was all just a formality, considering they took off the blindfold, but she still wanted to know what the hell it was they thought she'd done. "Mr. Yagami, with all due respect, what the fuck are you talking about?"

He glowered slightly. Maybe she coulee gone about that a little nicer.

A man with an Afro (which was very nice. Rora wondered why her hair couldn't do that) spoke up, looking slightly irritated. "Show some respect for your elders and watch your language."

Rora rolled her eyes. Were idiots like these the reason she left society? She felt a pang in her chest. Unfortunately, they weren't.

She huffed at him. "Oh, I'm sorry, Fro, next time I'm being put under arrest for something I neither did nor know anything about, I'll make sure to be more polite."

A young looking man spoke up. "How do you know the Chief's name?"

Rora blinked at the man. He reminded her of a lost puppy. He seemed harmless, so she answered him. "His kid pulled my hair out in second grade and Mr. Yagami insisted i did something to provoke him."

The puppy one blinked. "Did you?"

Rora shrugged. "I told him he was stupid."

Afro spoke up. "And why did you do that?"

She shrugged again. "He was."

Mr. Yagami glared at her.

Rora felt no remorse.

Comp cut in. "Are you saying you have had close contact with Light Yagami before, Rora-san?"

Rora blinked as Mr. Yagami made a face. "Obviously. Honestly, Comp, were you even listening?"

Comp ignored the jab. Damn. "And have you been in contact with him since then?"

Rora rolled her eyes again. Did this computer/L/whatever thing think she was stupid? Even she could tell this was important. Somehow. That unsneaky bastard. "No. That kid was an asshole."

Mr. Yagami made a noise of protest.

"What does Yagami have to do with me being kidnapped anyway?" she fished. Maybe Yagami had grown a brain. Maybe he'd gone insane and started killing people. She almost snorted.

As if.

"Everything," Comp answered.

A pause.

Rora scowled at the camera facing her. "Well that's fucking helpful."

Comp made no response.

* * *

"I mean, it can't be that bad."

"You'd be surprised."

"It's not like there's cameras in the bathroom or anything." Rora laughed. "Now, that would suck."

Light didn't respond.

Rora stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to Light slowly, feeling dread creep into the pit of her stomach. "There aren't any cameras in the bathroom, Yagami... Right?"

Light looked away from her, scratching the back of his neck. Rora paled.

"What do you mean there's cameras in the bathroom?!"

"Look, I don't like it either, but Ryuzaki has his reasons for doing the things that he does."

Rora wasn't placated. "But what the fuck does Comp think I'm gonna do? Hide a fucking gun up my vagina?" Ignoring Light, who looked scandalized at the use of the word 'vagina', she looked at the nearest camera facing them. "Well, newsflash, buddy! I've done that before and you don't have to worry about me doing it ever again! You ever shoved a 22 mm pistol up any of your orifices? Try it! See if you want a repeat! It is the most uncomfortable shit!"

Light stepped away when she started making obscene gestures with her hands.

He stepped farther back when she started miming shoving a semi large object into a relatively small place it wasn't supposed to go.

"I believe you may be overreacting to a necessary precaution," L finally spoke.

Rora paused in her demonstration and made an effort to control herself. Light sighed in relief. "Necessary?" she asked, taking a threatening step toward the camera. Light backed up farther. "Please, Comp, you adorable panda faced asshole, enlighten me on how you watching me while I use the bathroom or shower is going to help the case in any way! Just because you're a fucking pervert doesn't mean everyone's okay with it!"

L probably would have feared for his physical wellbeing had he not been hiding behind a screen.

Light, being the only other living being in the area, had quickly fled once he realized he could become a target of Rora's rage.

L noticed this and let him go. His Kira percentage did not rise.

L did not blame Light for leaving.

"You agreed to constant monitoring."

And apparently this was the wrong thing to say.

Rora lost it.

"NO I DID NOT! I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING RESEMBLING A CHOICE! YOUR LITTLE GOONS TOOK ME OUT OF MY CELL, DRAGGED ME TO SOME WEIRD ROOM AND TOLD ME I WOULD BE UNDER 24 HOUR SURVEILLANCE!"

Rora was almost heaving at this point.

L waited until she was suitably calmed down to respond. "You did not protest."

Rora gave the camera a deadpan look. "I bit Matsuda."

L smirked slightly. "I assumed you were hungry."

Rora almost cracked a smile. This asshole.

"Hey, Comp?"

"Yes, Rora-san?"

Rora grinned. "You're a shithead."

* * *

"So, what I'm hearing is that there's someone murdering people...via heart attack," Rora said slowly.

L didn't look away from his screen. "Yes, that is the basic idea."

Rora nodded. "Okay... And most of them aren't even remotely close to each other."

L hummed. "That is correct."

Rora kept nodding. "Uh huh. And this is possible... How?"

"That is what I am trying to figure out."

Rora looked at him pityingly. This poor boy. This poor, creepy, sleep deprived boy. "Look, Comp, I know you mean well, but there is no way someone can kill someone else and make them display the symptoms of a heart attack without being anywhere near them."

L barely glanced up from his computer. "I thought we were beyond the point of you thinking of me as a computer."

Rora blinked at him. "Just because someone looks human doesn't mean someone is human."

"Generally, it does. Why am I the exception?"

She rolled her eyes. "Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to?"

"I believe you answered that yourself when you yelled at me for being an 'overgrown know-it-all child with an incessant need to be praised.'"

Rora flushed slightly. "I apologized for that."

L pretended to think. "No, I don't recall that ever happening."

Rora huffed. "You're right. And it won't happen, because you are everything I've ever said you were."

"I seem to recall you calling me adorable at one point."

She shrugged. "Children are adorable. It's a fact of life."

L contemplated this 'fact'. He found he did not agree.

He kept this opinion to himself. "We are off topic."

Rora stretched. "Are we? I hadn't noticed."

"You never answered my question."

"You already know the answer."

"You are very proud and very small," he murmured.

Rora cocked an eyebrow. "And you're a genius with a horrible diet. Are we done stating the obvious?"

"You disagree with me just to try to prove me wrong."

She shrugged. "Someone has to."

"You almost never succeed."

"But I do sometimes."

"You enjoy my company."

"Obviously." A pause. L had expected a denial. She continued. "You are one acquaintance I will miss when we inevitably separate."

Another pause. L looked at her curiously.

"How do you know we will separate?"

Rora shrugged and tried not to look like she was creeped out by having his eyes trained on hers. How on earth did he keep himself from blinking? She tried not to blink. She failed. "We both know neither of us are the type of people who stay."

L turned back to his computer. "Evidently."

They worked in silence until Rora got up to stretch her legs and stubbed her toe on the coffee table.

L almost smiled. He might miss her too.

And then he reminded himself not to get emotionally attached to other living creatures with average intelligence. His almost smile disappeared.

Her acquaintanceship would be nice while it lasted.

* * *

"If you're leaving, I'm leaving."

L looked at her. He could see no signs of her lying, but still. "You will not come with me."

Rora crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Obviously."

L felt a peculiar heaviness settle in his chest. He refused to acknowledge it. "Than why are you leaving?"

Rora shrugged. L thought it was odd to shrug when you knew exactly what you were going to say. "You were the only thing interesting enough to get me to stay for as long as I did. Now that you're leaving, there's nothing left for me here."

"Yet you don't want to come with me." It wasn't a question.

Rora sighed. "It's not that I don't want to go with you. I do, and I'll miss seeing you're weird panda face every time I open my eyes. Well, maybe not every time, like that time you handcuffed yourself to me and Yagami and tried to make us shower together..." Ah, memories. Rora shook herself. "But my point is, our time's run out. We knew since the beginning that we wouldn't stay together."

"I am offering you a place as my worker-"

"I'm not your worker, Comp, I'm your friend."

L looked her in the eye. "Why?"

Rora tilted her head. "Why am I your friend?"

"Why do you insist on calling me that name. Comp. You know very well that I am no computer."

Rora shrugged and hugged herself tighter, trying and failing to avoid his eyes. "Keeping you at arm's length, I suppose. No point in doing that now, though."

"I would like to know exactly why you are refusing my offer." Rora gave him a look. "Please."

She sighed. "I don't know. I've been on the move since I was eight years old. Even when we were on the case, we almost never stayed in the same place for long."

L looked at her closely. "I believe you are afraid of commitment. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem."

Rora blinked and tilted her head in disbelief. "I am afraid... of commitment?"

L nodded. "Wonderful. We can work on the next steps by getting on the plane."

Rora shook herself. "Wait, what?"

"This fear that you have is easily fixable. We can work on it throughout the plane ride. If, when we arrive, you wish to come back, I will arrange for you to take the next immediate flight back."

Rora struggled as L lead her into the plane. "Woah, L, slow down! I didn't agree to this!"

"Yes you have."

"I'm sorry?"

"Do not apologize. It seems you may have done so unintentionally." The heavy feeling in his chest had long since dissipated.

"Wait, L, this is kidnapping! This is illegal!"

"Oh, look at that, you've done it again. You must've noticed that time."

Rora stopped struggling, not noticing that she was now safely on the plane. She turned to L, wide eyed. "I called you L, didn't I?"

L smiled. "Twice."

Rora sat down slowly. "And I did it without noticing."

His smile widened and he held up two fingers. "Twice."

"And now that I'm on the plane and I've said your name-"

"Twice."

"-you know that there's no way I'm leaving you."

L nodded.

Rora grinned and threw herself at him in a hug. "YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND EVER YOU CREEPY DETECTIVE YOU!"

L patted her back awkwardly. "I could say the same to you."

Rora laughed.


End file.
